Ignorance is bliss...

Amen...I can remember a time when I was new in my faith, when I was just beginning my journey with the Lord and when by other's standards I was a mess, but I in my ignorance, was filled with the joy of knowing the grace and mercy of the Lord and was content on loving it. Things that I did back then that were less than perfect convicted me, but didn't interfere with my ability to worship. I was so consumed with being grateful for Christ and I worshipped and loved the Lord with all my heart. I felt Him near me. I heard Him often and experienced Him regularly. Yet today, I find my 'sins' somewhat defining my walk with Christ. Let me explain...
Being delivered of any particular bondage does not always mean it just goes away - it means you recognize your deliverance, your accept your deliverance and then walk in it. There are times of struggle and sometimes falling but there is always the deliverance. These days, the fallings hurt more, they affect me more, they linger...
Worse than that, they convict me which is good, and condemn me, which is bad. Am I any less saved now than I was then? Absolutely not, but my heart doesn't feel that way and at times I can't help but wish for the ignorance of my past when I wasn't so consumed w/ being perfect for the Lord, just on loving Him. Some would say that I'm becoming more sensitive to the Spirit, and I pray that's the case, but I'm sitting here wondering when my faith turned into just doing the right things rather than seeking to love Him - my goodness, how quickly and discreetly the change takes place! I've been so concerned with acting "properly" that I've ever so slightly drifted my attention from the One that heals and comforts to what other than myself.

Lord, forgive me for my failings and help me to seek you more. You are so holy and divine and I relinquish any thought or idea that I have any ability to 'do' the right things w/o you in my direct line of sight. I accept your gifts of grace and mercy and praise your holy, holy name for all that you provide to your children. Thank you Father for what you are doing in me and may your will always be done in my life.
Amen!