Peace...

The peace of the Lord...it doesn't come free. There is a price that comes with obtaining God's peace. It is the price of obedience, of service and humility, of persecution, humiliation, temptation and perseverance. The trials that come, the refining, the conviction the spiritual burdens and the warfare. God promises us peace and joy, but He never said that they were free. There is definitely a premise that precedes that promise. The peace of God is always there, dwelling in us and around us - we must be near enough to feel it though. I envision a camp fire burning bright. The warmth of that fire is always there...it doesn't waver, or cease or change temperature, rather, it is our proximity to that fire that makes us feel warm or cold. The closer we draw near the more warmth and comfort we'll receive from the flames. We have to press into God in order to receive the peace that he promises. It never waivers or fades, it is us who get distracted and drift away. Eventually we realize that it suddenly got a little chilly and it drives us to again seek out that fire that we know will provide our comfort and warmth. The peace of God is with us...our peace does not come by empty actions of worship and praise, it does not come from the affirmation of others, nor by perfection and order -- in the middle of the most ferocious sea, in the midst of chaos, we can be filled with His peace IF we are there according to His will and not our own. Just as Jesus calmed the raging sea without so much as a flinch, we are capable of the same in our lives, if we are walking as Jesus did, with complete reliance on our heavenly Father.

How do we (and more-so I) find complete reliance on God? In finding my identity there first. 'Whatever makes me valuable, I will pursue until death' - If I can find my true worth and value in Christ - I will pursue Him until death...if it is something else, it will be a vain pursuit that will ultimately lead to the death of my body and my spirit. It starts with finding truth in God's Word rather than in life experience. What the world tells me is rarely truth, rather all truth is found in His Word...that's why knowing it is so important. I'm reminded of our Fall retreat - the speaker spoke about being made in God's image. When God creates something, He makes it out of something that will sustain it, something it will depend on and return to. A tree is birthed from the seed of another tree, an animal birthed from an animal of its own kind. When God made man, He spoke to Himself - He intended to be our supply, our sustainer and for us to return to Him...the TRUTH is that I am made in God's image, of Him and by Him - perfect in His sight. Acceptance of that one core truth is the key to finding true identity, true peace and joy and to understanding our true strength in Christ.

So, I guess the question is...how close are we getting to the flame? Are we walking the outskirts of camp? Seeing the light but not receiving the benefits of its comfort and warmth? I think that's where I've been...I want to step into the fire pit...I want to be so near that it burns my face and warms me to the core. I want to get that close...

Aha! moments of the weekend...

The past weekend has turned out to be purely comical by any means. It actually began on Thursday with the onset of the absolute worst PMS I think I have ever experienced (sorry guys). I'm not talking the typical mood swing/cramp type thing either...I'm talking, the world is coming to an end, life is not worth living kind of PMS. I know it was PMS b/c I went to bed feeling fine and woke up feeling like I never wanted to get out of bed again...ever.
So - with that I managed to survive Thursday and Friday, however, Friday mornining in the mad dash to get to work on time I managed to break my cell phone charger off in my phone...yes! That's exactly what I needed! Now, I have no cell phone and although the PMS is finally starting to subside, the memory is lingering a bit. It's cool though, I managed to live w/o a cell phone at some point in my life, right? Well, I don't have a home phone either, so it was a little challenging. However - I still had email and IM!! It was going to be okay...Until Sunday when I woke up and the internet was down - are you kidding?!?! Finally, I relinquished the fact that the Lord was trying to literally seclude me to the point of surrender. Needless to say I raised the tiny white flag and spent the day in solitude. No phones, no computer, no myspace or blogging, no email - I had music and a tv (which I used sparingly to watch Back to the Future - I couldn't resist!!)

I had a few Aha! moments during my weekend w/o technology - and now I will share.

How many times are we, in the midst of our obedience to God an answer to someone's prayers? I was actually struck with this during the testimony from church, about the tribe that fasted and prayed for 40 days only to be met w/ their answer on the 40th day. Now, while this is definitely a display of God working in wonderous ways - how much of this answered prayer hinged on the obedience of a fellow servant? If the man had not gone as the Lord was leading him to, would it have been the Lords unanswered prayer? Absolutely not! It would have been the disobedience of a man -- how often do we make this mis-assumption?

Later in the weekend I was jamming to some praise music and I thought...In the same way as the story above, Jesus, in His obedience to the Father was an answer to the prayers of an entire nation!! Had Jesus not taken the cup that was offered to Him, would it have been an unanswered prayer by God? Nope...it would have been the disobedience of a man. Granted you may think, ah well, it was Jeus of course he would obey - but let's not forget that while he was God in the human flesh, Jesus was fully man and fully capable of disobeying. Had he not been capable of sin, it would have made His sinless life and thus the ressurection meaningless.
AHA!

The next one I found in Ezekiel - the story of the prophet being called out by God to deliver a message to the land. The Lord hands him a scroll with His words and message on it and commands Ezekiel to eat it and fill himself with it and then to go and speak it bodly. 1 And he said to me, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel." 2 So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat.
3 Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it." So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.

The following is the section that really nailed me...
14 The Spirit then lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the LORD upon me. 15 I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Abib near the Kebar River. And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days-overwhelmed

I sat on that for some time - why, would he have bitterness and anger in his spirit given the experience that he just had with God? I mean, he should be overjoyed! He should be elated! Right?? After doing some studying and praying about it...wow...
Ezekiel had just ingested, into his spirit and heart, a scroll of Gods words to Israel, of their wickedness and evil deeds, of their sin and of their unholiness. It was a message of warning and of wrath against the nation. Ezekiel was filled with the spirit and the hand of the Lord was heavy upon him - he was feeling the LORDS anger and bitterness in his spirit - not anger at anyone or any person, but the anger against sin, the anger against the disobedience of Israel
Man - if I could be that close, that in tune with God that the things that grieve him and that anger him would literally do the same in my own spirit - that I would become so intimate that sin would anger me as it does God, it would grieve me as it does God - not the person - but the sin. I was also reminded of the importance of ingesting Gods word into our own spirit and heart. How do we become more sensitive to the anger and grievances of God? We eat His Word until it fills us up...until we live, breath and speak the word of God - and then, we are more like Him than ever before. We will have transformed our minds to think and respond as God would and as Christ did. AHA......

The Lord is so good and faithful. He brought me into a place of gentle and subtle submission this weekend - He was relentless in His pursuit to get some true, uninterupted alone time with me and that alone makes me feel like a loved and adored child of God - that He would go through so much trouble for some time with me - well - it's nothing less than amazing to me.

The desert

Therefore I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.

Therefore I am now going to allure here; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vinyards and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth..."In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'.
Hosea (exceperts of chapter 2)

The book is about Israel, but it speaks so much in relation to us as Gods people and children. I am in a season of being stripped of all the things that I seek for my solace, comfort and peace. The Lord has allured me into the desert, where He alone can speak to me and care for me until I can hear only His voice and see only His face. I am grateful for the gentle way in which He has brought me to this place and I am grateful for the spiritual eyes He has granted me so that I might know the reason I am here. I am content here, in this place at this time. I am sitting in this desert waiting expectantly for the things He is willing to share with me. Expecting to find revelation, understanding, peace and ultimately to find my first true love. Lord! I have followed you out into this place on blind faith and trust in your promises. I have drawn close to you Lord, honor your words to your people and draw near to me. You see my heart Lord, and you see how it is crying for you and how much it is desperately wanting to be near you...I want to call you my 'husband' Lord, a title deserving far more intimacy than that of a master. I want to be so close that I can no longer tell where I end and where You begin. Lord I am here, alone, w/o provision, relying only on the things You will provide and I will stay here for as long as it takes. Please come and visit with me, teach me, dwell with me, love me.