2006

2005 is over...what a year it's been. I'd like to take a second to reflect on a few of the things that have occured in good old 2005 - drumroll please...
I became a member of the Branch (a place that has changed my life)
I received prayer for hearling from the elders of the church, what a humbling experience.
I attended my first youth bible camp, and oddly enough received my own deliverance there (I believe the result of the previous prayer along with many others I may never know a/b). I went fishing (still have yet to catch a fish), and went camping (first run in with a possum)for the first time. I truly experienced the Holy Spirit, and received my first vision from the Lord. I received my first prophetic dreams. I moved into my very own apartment...living alone for the first time in my life and bringing and end to 7 years of living with my best friend (love you sweet and precious sister!). I watched my best friend get married. I watched her husband turn into a true man of God whom I carry the greatest respect and admiration for, his journey has been great and is nothing less than a testimony to Gods greatness. I turned 25, changed my college major (again) to religion and for the first time feel as though I'm studying something worth studying. I started dating someone who I truly view as a gift from God and for the first time I feel as though I'm entering a year that I can totally dedicate to the Lord, in a way that I never have before. I praise God for the obvious ways he has worked in my life over the course of the past year. It has been amazing and this little paragraph cannot even begin to explain the changes that have taken place w/in me or the freedom I have received this year. The blessings have been thick, the trials have been great, and when all is said and done it is all for His glory - praise the Father.

2006 - a year I pray will be full of revelation and manifestation. A year I expect to be rich in blessings and favor. A year of growth and of soaking, a year of intimacy with God and a year of devotion. I want to be like Peter, who was so overjoyed and filled with so much zeal for Christ that he jumped out of the boat after Him, (John 21:7 As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water) eagerly wanting to be with Him, chasing after Him, wanting nothing more than to be near Him...

This past weekend I was shown Proverbs 31 - and this has become another prayer that I have in the coming year. It is a prayer that I hold for all women in my life...that we would know the true meaning of serving Christ and that we would know and understand all of that is entailed in being a woman of God...granted I'm not married nor do I plan on being married soon, it is still something that I desire to be, for God and for the man that the Lord has planned for me to marry.

Proverbs 31: 10
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate


This is my prayer for 2006 and for my life Lord. Make me this woman, show me how to become her. I will face the fire of your refinery if it will ultimately mold and shape me into this perfect illustration of a woman living a life for You. A woman of noble character please create in me. A woman who lacks nothing of value, who brings good to her (future) husband and who can be relied on. Create a woman of diligence and of virtue, a woman who works steadily and with passion, a woman who is strong and yet who does not lose the tenderness that You have created in her. A woman who is selfless, giving, who rises before the sun and lays her head down after everyone else, but who finds satisfaction in knowing that she is fulfilling your work. A woman who is clothed in blessing and honor and who has no fear b/c she is wrapped in the knowledge of your glory, knowing that God almighty will honor her and her family for her dilegent service to His will and kingdom. A woman clothed in strength and dignity, and a woman who can laugh at the days to come because she rests in your promises of tomorrow. Make me a woman who is called blessed by her children and who is praised by her husband, but who is still so humble that she can't recognize the need for either. Create in me a woman who will not be ugly when the youth of today fades...create a woman who will become beautiful with time, who will grow in your glory and who will only radiate from within. I desire to be a woman who's ONLY source of beauty is You. Lord - I seek your revelation on the things in me that need to be changed - I earnestly seek for you to refine me in the ways in which I have requested, I desire to be this woman - I seek to be more like her, more like You Lord. I desire more of You, and I desire to be a humble and true servant for You. Make me beautiful Lord, in your eyes.

Kingdom life...

I've been thinking a lot lately a/b healing and about praying for it and experiencing it and seeing it. With my pursuit of the Spirit and all the comes with that, naturally healing is something to be addressed. I'm reading When Heaven Invades Earth right now and I read something the other day that really hit me...
To preface...I am one that believes that the Lord is in complete control of all - if bad things happen, they happen not necessarily b/c the Lord made it happen but at the very least He allowed it to happen. My take on healing has always been a little on the fence b/c I've thought 'well, what if the Lord doesn't want them to be healed? What if He's doing something that we just don't understand right now"? I've also been plagued with what I now recognize as doubtful thoughts like, "I know God can do it, but will He"? The book I'm reading makes that exact statement and then proceeds to say...satan knows God can do it too - and to say such a thing is at best hope - true faith is not just knowing that He can, but that He will do it...

Yikes - conviction to the core. The bible says that the apostles prayed with expectancy...they didn't just ask with the flippant hope that God would respond, they prayed knowing that He would - obviously that makes a huge difference! I've always prayed the - if it's Your will Lord, please... But why not, Lord - I'm praying for...and I'm expecting you to respond, I thank you for your answer to this prayer and I'm standing firmly on your word and on my authority in Your holy, holy name that You will provide?! The book also says that it's better not to examine your faith, but to respond quickly and then realize that your obedience was actually a product of your faith. Thinking and overthinking what is possibly and likely a word or command from the Lord will most often result in disobedience due to our own self doubt and unbelief. If we were to obey immediately and then watch as He works, we could then look back and see that, yes, our quick reaction was actually a product of our faith in God. With every act of obedience we are strengthened in our faith and will be more likely to respond to His next word.

On a randomly off topic rant...I'm sitting here writing this and all I can think is 'just love Him' - it's that simple, just love Him. Why does it have to be so complicated and political? Just love Him...in our current state, with our current imperfections, with our sin, with our never ending short comings - with a pure and honest heart, love Him and He will undoubtedly love us back. If it is possible in this world of flesh to find people and ultimately to find one person (a husband or wife) to love us for who we are including all of our imperfections and all of that deep dark stuff that nobody else really knows a/b - how could we for one second think that God's love for us is any less? It is so much more!! God does not need us, He wants us - think a/b that...not one of us is needed in this world - the world would not stop w/o us, it would not cease to function if we weren't here....but the Lord wanted us, and so here we are, in this place and in this time b/c He decided in all of His glory that He wanted us to be here. Take comfort in that idea of divine planning behind each of our lives and in the idea that we are here out of want and desire and not out of need...

I hope that someone out there needed that, I know it's good for me to hear and think a/b often, but it was just heavy on me to put into writing, so I'm trusting that it was for someone specific, and maybe for myself in more ways than I am willing to realize at times.

Praise the Lord, for another glorious day made by Him for His children...He is so good and so faithful. As cliche and redundant as it can sound at times, I will never grow tired of praising His good works and His blessings...recognizing my unworthiness and all that I lack, I could never stop praising Him for sacrificing Himself so that I might be with Him forever and so that I might experience the comfort of His spirit.

Yesterday was my birthday...and it was a pretty darn good day :) It was warm, it was sunny and it was peaceful. Spent with a couple of best friends - one really great guy and a few Japanese artitsts (okay, they were really chef's, but it was so good it could have been art). We went to Kobe's Steak Hibachi grill - and I give it two big fat thumbs up - a little pricey, but you will definitely get your money's worth.

Anyway, I've never been a huge birthday person. I don't get terribly excited or elated a/b it...probably b/c it's 2 days before Christmas and I spent my childhood getting two in one presents and celebrating my birthday on the 24th b/c it was easier for the family...regardless today, as I was driving around I starting thinking a/b the arrogance involved in celebrating our birthdays. One day a year we all sit around asking or waiting for people to celebrate something that we had absolutely nothing to do with...seems like it should be more of a God celebration if you ask me. I mean, who was it that knit me together in my mothers womb? Fearfully and wonderfully made? Who was it that knew me by name before my very existance and who likely waited in eager anticipation for the day that he could finally create me? Who was it that rejoiced in heaven the day that I was finally birthed, just as He had planned? Yes, it was my Father and that is who should get all of the glory and celebration on the day we're celebrating the birth of His very own creation.

That said, I am still grateful for the time invested in me by those that I love dearly to celerate the day the good Lord decided to bring me into the world. It was a great birthday and sitting here thinking about it, I am utterly overjoyed at the richness of the many blessings in my life...thanks to Julie, Ryan and Brett for making it especially special :) You are all 3 amazing in your own ways and you are all so very near and dear to my heart.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I pray that you all have a safe and happy Christmas! God bless you and your families!

Humility vs. Pride

As defined in Webster's Dictionary:
Humble:
Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.
TRANSITIVE VERB:
hum·bled , hum·bling , hum·bles
To curtail or destroy the pride of; humiliate.
To cause to be meek or modest in spirit.
To give a lower condition or station to; abase. See Synonyms at degrade

Pride:
NOUN:

A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association: parental pride.
Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.

A cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction; the best of a group or class: These soldiers were their country's pride.
The most successful or thriving condition; prime: the pride of youth.
An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.
A flamboyant or impressive group: a pride of acrobats.

TRANSITIVE VERB:
prid·ed , prid·ing , prides
To indulge (oneself) in a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction: I pride myself on this beautiful garden.

The last definition - I can't help but wonder...how could we possibly pride ourselves in anything? You pride yourself on this beautiful garden, but did you really grow it? I pride myself in the work I do, but who gave me the opportunity and the skills to perform that job? We pride ourselves in our clothes, but who clothes us? We pride ourselves in our children, but who gave them to us and who created them?! Pride seems to me to be nothing more than the claiming ownership of something that was never ours to begin with. Such dangerous ground.

Lack of humility in our lives will always lead us down a path of sorrow. It hinders confession, spurs dishonesty and fear...

"It was through pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind." C.S. Lewis

Wow...anti-God state of mind. God knows what it means to be humbled. He humbled Himsef when the almighty Creator of our entire world and being brought Himself to dwell with us and among us. When he brought Himself to be persecuted and humiliated (see the definition of humble) by us, those that He created. Imagine creating an ant farm (keep in mind that we don't even have the ability to create the actual ants as God did) and then deciding that you needed to go and be with them b/c they were so unable to do it themselves - to live among them, teach them - to go from this mind and this body...to being an ant? Who would actually do that? Well friends, God did...and He only desires that we humble ourselves in return. That in every action we would recognize our place in the grand scheme of things - "A truly humble man is sensible of his natural distance from God; of his dependency on Him; of the insufficiency of his own power and wisdom" -Johnathan Edwards.

In most cases, throughout the bible and in my own experience, humility starts with recognition and confession. I've wondered lately why confession is so important to the humbled spirit and I realized that confession creates vulnerability and intimacy. Think a/b the last friend that confessed something to you...you were probably so touched by their willingness to share that you felt the ability to share with them...intimacy. We confess to God and it creates intimacy. We are trusting Him, sharing with Him, making ourselves vulnerable before Him. There is nothing that God desires more than for us to trust him with our exposed and vulnerable hearts.

So in all of this, what is the importance of a humble heart? without humility it is impossible to recognize our true need for God. It is impossible to have pride in our own capabilities and trust in the Lords. It is only 'in' the Lord that we could ever boast...I once read somewhere that if you do not think you have a problem with pride, you are probably the most prideful of all. Humility is something that we can always strive for more of. More humility, more intimacy, more of God. My prayer is that I am humbled daily, reminded daily of who I am and who I would be w/o Christ to cover me.

Getting personal...

It doesn't seem like I give much random personal info on this blog and I thought maybe it was time to let you all in on some of the seamingly meaningless stuff that goes on inside this crazy little head of mine, nothing profound by any means - but hey - my train of thought in itself could be a little profound to some of you ;)

Okay, first let's start with shopping today. I was hit with this really random realization that we have entered into a time in fashion that I'm not sure anyone ever expected...it's almost as if the 70's and the 80's have collided...yes I know, a little disturbing. Who'd of thought you could pair a peasant shirt w/ an off the shoulder shrug and it would one day be 'in'?? I'll admit, I'm a fan of some, but other parts of this current trend are frighteningly similar to the bad 80's get-up's that we all love to make fun of. I'm down with the 60's and 70's coming back...let's just let the 80's go people - it was a fashion mistake - one that never needs to be revisited.

I realized today as I caught a glimpse of myself that my hair really does resemble a nest - lol - there are a few of you who will appreciate this acknowledgment.

I got caught in a fury of birds the other day sitting at a traffic light. For some reason when I lived up north and all the birds flew south for the bitter winters, I never realized that they all collected in one place. At first it was kinda neat, and then I began to get a little claustrophobic as they appeared to be descending right on my car (maybe in an attempt to get at the nest of hair sitting on top of my head). Seriously, it was just this mass of feathers and little bird bodies flying everywhere. I was half expecting them to start dive bombing my car. Luckily, they all just collected themselves neatly on the telephone wires and rooftops...then I started wondering what exactly they do while they're sitting there...I mean, what exactly are they looking at?

My obsession with mushrooms is getting a little out of control. I can honestly say that I have had mushrooms with every meal for at least the last 3 weeks. What is it a/b that little fungus that I love so much? I'm baffled myself...

I've decided that my true passion in life is to become a Christian singer. This goal is completely obtainable, if, I can always record in my car with the deafeningly loud music and the track playing in the background. It could quite possibly move some to tears, although maybe not for the reasons I would be hoping for.


I've been wondering lately when life got so serious.

I realized today how young a 16 year old really looks, and yet can remember how old and how invincible a 16 year old feels.

I've been thinking a lot about turning 25. 25? What in the world happened to 19-24 and have I really been out of high school for 7 years?!

With that...I've been thinking a/b how fast those 7 years have gone, and in turn how fast the next 7 will pass. What in the world am I going to do with the next 7 and the many more that follow? I've decided to list a few things that I desire to do before I die...some of them seemingly simple minded and some a little deeper...regardless, things that I would like to experience while I'm here and while I still can. So here it is...in no particular order...

1. Travel to Israel and walk the walk of Jesus.
2. Learn to play the guitar.
3. Create a work of art.
4. Learn pottery
5. Learn how to knit
6. Finish school (slowly but surely!)
7. Speak another language fluently
8. Travel to Europe
9. Catch a fish
10. See a whale
11. Go snorkeling/scuba diving
12. Learn to rock climb (and then climb a rock, preferably a big one)
13. Get married
14. Have children
15. Buy a home
16. Go to Africa
17. Go to Washington D.C.
18. Go to the Grand Canyon
19. Go skiing in Colorado
20. Learn how to ski ;)
21. Camp in the desert
22. Invent something
23. Live near the ocean or on a lake
24. Witness a visible and instant physical healing
25. Witness someone raise from the dead
26. Deliver a prophetic Word from God
27. Go on a missions trip overseas
28. Own a plant and not kill it
29. Plant a garden
30. Tell my father that I love him in person
31. See my sister again
32. Witness to my brother about the mercy, grace and love of Christ
33. See my family walk in the freedom of salvation
34. Work with girls recovering from eating disorders
35. Own a horse
36. Milk a cow
37. Fly first class
38. Go to Rome
39. Help build a church
40. Share my testimony in all of its glory to the world.

Okay, okay - I'll stop there - it's by no means finished and I'm sure I'll add to it as things come to mind....But it's a start.

So there you have it, my first post a/b nothing in particular and a/b nothing too terribly profound - no worries - there won't be many of these :)
Thanks for participating - go and have a blessed day!

House of Obedience...

And finally, my thoughts on the previous post...


The house of obedience...what a wonderful way to state it. We are the temples of the living God, we in essence 'house' the Holy Spirit. Why shouldn't it be a house of obedience? A house devoted to following and obeying the one that dwells w/in it? How can we honestly expect the spirit to dwell in a place that is content with disobeying and fighting it? Just as you and I wouldn't stay in a place we weren't comfortable or welcome, neither should the spirit of God and God finds His comfort in those who adhere and obey His word. It's interesting to me that so many of us desire the fruits that come from an intimate relationship with Christ, just w/o the grunt work that comes with getting there. Sure, give me the joy, give me the gifts, the blessings and the love - but I would be much more comfortable if we could do it my way. The secular saying 'nothing in life is free' bears some truth in that intimacy with God does not come w/o its cost.

It is also not something that come instantly. It is a process that can take much time and perseverance. As the prior post says - stone by stone, brick by brick the foundation of a true disciple and servant is laid. With every act of obedience and faith there is another layer of intimacy added. We are such a society of immediate gratification and unfortunately God just doesn't work that way. It takes time invested and proven trust to gain the kind of imtimacy we're all seeking. It is the understanding that every choice and decision made in a single day is made to either glorfiy God, or to not. It really is that black and white.

It is in the heart of a true servant that He desires to dwell and work. It is in the heart of a dispicple that he desires to reside and live in perfect harmony. He wants to make us clean...he wants to take the filth within us, the darkness and he wants to expose it and make it pure. He wants nothing more than to sit in our holy temples and work through us - He wants to be engrained in our every fiber to the extent we can no longer tell where we end and He begins...His desire for our lives is so great - if only we could see that for ourselves.

Live by obedience and service and you will live in His blessing and glory. Follow him with a wreckless and humble heart and live in his amazing power. He is so good to us, so full of grace and mercy - when we acknowledge this with our entire self, it is then that we will act and follow in ruined obedience for our King.

Chewing on Obedience...

I am going to post this excerpt I read Sunday night and I'll be back later to comment on it - I've been chewing and soaking on it for a couple of days and it's really speaking to me...hopefully it will do the same for you. Soak on it a little, it's pretty powerful stuff.

Be watchful to hear My Voice and instantly to obey. Obedience is your great sign of faith. "Why call ye Me Lord, Lord, and do not the things that I say" was My word when on earth to the many who followed and heard, but did not do.

I likened the man who obeyed Me implicitly to the man who built his house upon a rock. In times of storm he is steadfast, immovable.

Do not feel that by this I mean only the keeping of My Commandments, even the living My Sermon on the Mount. I mean more than that to those who know Me intimately, I mean the following in all, the Inner Guiding that I give, the little injunctions I speak to each individual soul, the wish I express-and desire to have carried out.

The secure, steadfast immovable life of My disciples, the Rock Home, is not built at a wish, in a moment, but is laid, stone by stone, foundations, walls, roof, by the acts of obedience, the daily following out of My wishes, the loving doing of my will.

"He that heareth these sayings of Mine and doeth them is like unto a man who built his house upon a rock, and the rain descended and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house and it fell not, for it was founded upon a Rock."

And it is in that Rock-Home, man-made but divinely inspired-the House of Obedience-the truest expression of a disciple's adoration and worship - it is there that I come to dwell with my loved one.

~God Calling

His presence...

Standing in a sanctuary where the presence of the Lord is so thick upon me that I feel like I'm choking...my spirit so full that I can't find the words nor the actions to express it - and so I cry - what an amazing, amazing experience - truly a gift from God.

The Shane & Shane concert was Sunday night at The Branch - it is something I have been looking forward to since my first encounter with them at Glen Rose this past summer. In ways that I cannot explain, they have a way of ushering the Spirit into a place that will bring a person to their knees. I cannot praise God enough for giving these men the gifts He has and for allowing them to serve Him in the way they do. I think it's possible that I carry a little bit of extra regard for them simply because they were a part of a moment in my life that I will likely never forget. They were truly a part of a breaking within me that has since led to such freedom and redemption in my life. That week was like a catalyst that started a chain reaction through my spirit, manifesting itself in my life as healing and joy. I can only hope that others there received a visit from the Holy Spirit that night as well. It was a blessing to just be standing in the sanctuary - soaking in the presence of our King. It is in those moments, that I stand in such amazement of God, in awe of His awesome power and so grateful for His extravagent work. Oh, he is so glorious....

Job 26
7 He spreads out the northern skies over empty space;
he suspends the earth over nothing.

8 He wraps up the waters in his clouds,
yet the clouds do not burst under their weight.

9 He covers the face of the full moon,
spreading his clouds over it.

10 He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters
for a boundary between light and darkness.

11 The pillars of the heavens quake,
aghast at his rebuke.

12 By his power he churned up the sea;
by his wisdom he cut Rahab to pieces.

13 By his breath the skies became fair;
his hand pierced the gliding serpent.

14 And these are but the outer fringe of his works;
how faint the whisper we hear of him!
Who then can understand the thunder of his power?"