How Great is our God

Isaiah 40:12-14 Who has measured the waters in the hallow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighted the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has undestood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way?

Just read that over and over again, until it's absolute immensity and wonder penetrates your very being - how can we not fall on our knees at the very utterance of His name? Will we forever fail to truly see and understand His greatness? How do we costantly continue to overlook the absolute enormity of our heavenly Creator?

I'll start with this thought...every day of our life is spent walking amidst thousands of God's miracles, most of which go unoticed or unappreciated. I know, I know, we've all heard the cliche, "every day the sun rises, we've experienced another miracle of God" and while that's true - there's so much more to it than that. The fact that the sun rises every day, on cue, providing heat and energy and life for our daily lives...REALLY is a miracle...the fact that little drops of water fall from the sky on a regular basis in order to replenish the earth and promote growth of plants and animals which feed and clothe us...REALY is a miracle. That we have plants that actually put oxygen into our atmosphere by way of their natural growing and living process so that we have air to breathe in order to live...REALLY is a miracle. The fact that our planet is just far enough from the sun not to be incinerated and not too far away to be frozen - REALLY is a miracle...are you getting my point? These are not just some happenings in nature seemingly fit together in this convenient little package perfectly designed to serve our very purpose on this earth... Just stop for a moment and think a/b how intricate the very thought of our lives are...how it's such a puzzle full of pieces here and there w/ parts cut out perfectly in order to fit the next piece. Are you humble before His might presence yet? How can we not look to His face with awe and amazement...

I've come to the realization that God is actually larger than you and I. For some reason I've always had this impression of God as Jesus, the size and shape of a man, but the power unimaginable by human thought.
How wrong I've been though - He's so much larger, so much bigger, literally, not just figuratively. It's the poetry of these scripture that have kept me grounded - in and out of the seasons of life - the questions and wonders, the anxiety the doubt and fear...even now, this season of correction and pruning - even in the midst of it all I rest heavily on the truth in these promises, in these testimonies to His absolute authority and greatness. I am reminded that I am in no position to question...and that I should only ever be in the position to praise with the utmost reverence for Him. Reverence...fear and respect and awe, all rolled into one big emotion and action. Fearing because you respect...fearing because you know how great He is...
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I pray you read the following scripture slowly - line by line, and really receive it - He is so mighty...I don't know if I've ever fully understood the beauty of this passage. It is unbelievably beautiful. I beg you to take just a minute and really read it...catch the greatness, see His glory and be moved with reverent amazement at the creation we have become so complacent and comfortable with. So much so, that we fail to see the need to praise Him for it.....
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Job 38:4-38

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions?

Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?

On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone -

while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
"Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,

when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;

here is where your proud waves halt'?
"Have you ever given orders to the morning,

or shown the dawn its place,

that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;

its features stand out like those of a garment.

The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.
"Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?

Have the gates of death been shown to you?

Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?

Tell me, if you know all this.
"What is the way to the abode of light?

And where does darkness reside?

Can you take them to their places?

Do you know the paths to their dwellings?

Surely you know, for you were already born!

You have lived so many years!
"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow

or seen the storehouses of the hail,

which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle?

What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,

or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,

and a path for the thunderstorm,

to water a land where no man lives,

a desert with no one in it,

to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?
Does the rain have a father?

Who fathers the drops of dew?
From whose womb comes the ice?

Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?

"Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?

Can you loose the cords of Orion?
Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons

or lead out the Bear with its cubs?
Do you know the laws of the heavens?

Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?
"Can you raise your voice to the clouds

and cover yourself with a flood of water?
Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?

Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?
Who endowed the heart with wisdom

or gave understanding to the mind ?
Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?

Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens when the dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick together?

Job 40:7-14

"Brace yourself like a man; I will question you,

and you shall answer me.

"Would you discredit my justice?

Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

Do you have an arm like God's, and can your voice thunder like his?
Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,

and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.

Unleash the fury of your wrath,

look at every proud man and bring him low,

look at every proud man and humble him,

crush the wicked where they stand.

Bury them all in the dust together;

shroud their faces in the grave.
Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you.

Mom & Dad...

Mom & Dad,

So many years gone by. So many memories, so many hurts and so many open wounds. It's been a lifetime for me, and what must feel like a life time for you both. The ups and downs and trials of life...how they can leave a soul beaten and battered like a ragdoll in the mouth of a dog. My spirit has wrestled over you in such painful ways over the course of the past weeks. It is a frustration and a sorrow I have not known for many years. Mostly because I have chosen to bury it...deeper and deeper with every passing day, month and year. You have taught me well how to avoid, how to pretend and how to push away. You have taught me so well that even in my attempts to see truth, I can only see the facade I have built in my own mind. In years past I have built up such a hardness for you. A hardness that eventually, so deceptively, disguised itself as forgiveness and peace with our past...what I thought to be rest and acceptance has proven to be anything but. This past week has shown me this much. I have experienced a flood of emotion, most of which I cannot process quickly enough, most of which is tearing open the wounds I thought were so nicely bandaged and healed only to expose a hideous infection desperately in need of medical attention. I myself am terrified of what you have stirred in me, partially because I hate it and partially because I don't understand it. I am not the girl you raised, I am not the girl you thought you knew and I'm definitely not the girl you think you know now. Since we've parted ways, I have discovered and desperately sought after a new identity. One which is not rooted in the lie of love you have shown me, but one that is rooted in a never ending, unconditional love from a true Father that created every hair on my head, ever inch of my being. You have heard whispers of this new creation in me, and you reject it with passion...why? Does what I am becoming frighten you? Is it uncomfortable? Good - it should be...

As our time together began I must confess I ran straight into a wall of negativity, bitterness, anger, frustration and the list goes on. Every day I was just baffled at why they wanted to come here - why is this happening, this is the last thing I need right now...I talked with friends about the meaning of honoring our parents. Obviously important enough for God to place in the midst of His 10 Holy Commandments and interestingly enough, the only one given as a premise with a direct promise to follow. It was hard, I fought it, I justified my feelings, made excuses - got angry that I had to even contemplate honoring them...I knew I should and yet there was just this part of me that was in utter defiance of the thought.

The time went on and by Tuesday I was at my witts end - I just wanted it to be over so I could forget it ever happened...I drug myself to church, so dry, so empty. I nearly collapsed on the floor when I got there, every muscle desperate for just a mere few moments of rest in the Lords presence. I wept for the first time since my parents arrived - the tears that had so nearly surfaced 100 times, finally broke through the dam and they would not stop...grief for my parents, for their souls, for their hearts, for our relationship, for my confusion, for my frustration - all of it...I prayed for the Lord to see my tears - to please show me something...I trust You Lord - and I am so desperate for Your words!

After worship, I almost left a dozen times - just wanted to go to bed, I felt a little peace and I figured that was the extent of it. It was a night of testimonies - great - definitely not in the mood for this...I didn't move though. As many rose to give praise to God's glory in their life, I sat in the back talking to God, telling Him that I know He's done glorious things in my life, but I just couldn't get up there tonight - my face was swollen, makeup and hair in disray, and my words are lifeless. And yet, as I sat in the back the conviction fell on me like a bag of bricks. "Praise Him!"
Oh Lord, I thought, of course I praise You - in all circumstances. "Praise Him. Right now." Oh jeeze, Lord - not now...not here...and as so many of you have probably experienced - the heart rate rises, the temperature goes up about 10 degrees and the lies rush in like a flood - nobody wants to hear this, it's not even really a joyful, engergetic praise, it's not even finished, what in the world would I even say? People won't care a/b this. And even as the thoughts came, my feet moved - to the front, towards that darn microphone. As I took it, I couldn't even stand, I sat on the stage - staring at my feet - and I told them about what the Lord was doing, a broken relationship, the way the Lord has brought my parents to my home for the first time in six years, not by my request, and honestly...I can't tell you why, other than that He brought them. I talked briefly about the emotions being stirred - my sorrow, and frustration, confusion - and then I praised Him for it all - I told them that I felt the Lord tell me healing layed in my willingness to praise Him in front of them and that they were witnessing a testimony in progress...
Nothing profound by any means - I walked away thinking 'well Lord, there ya go, that's all I got'. Afterwards, He showed me once again that I know nothing. The flood of people that approached me to request prayers for similar situations was overwhelming - and with every prayer I prayed over others, my own healing came. I didn't leave church until after 11 that night - and when I got home, I was a different person. From that night forward things were just...different. I felt my heart changing for my parents. For the first time, maybe ever, I felt sincere and true love for them. It was still challenging at times, but it was no longer excruciating. Through different events, I saw my dad's love for me, things I had never known, things I had never realized were brought forward and I was shown that he does love me. I'm not a dissapointment or unwanted...he really does love me. And God asked me one night, 'will you finally believe that I love you? Even more than that?'

I can't fully understand or explain why this relationship with my father has such an impact on everything within me...but I actually started to feel different, acceptable, worthy, dare I say, confident that I am enough...that who I am, is okay. It's a healing in progress, a reconciliation in progress, and I'm okay with that because I know it's going to be okay, that it already is okay. And now the praises come freely and with great exclamation. I sat the other night, wondering if God goes through such great lengths for all of His children, and of course He does. It's beyond my comprehension that He could love each of us so much. But I know that He does and with every passing day, my heart is beginning to know it as well.