Above it all...

This weekend during Chris' message and even after during small group, I was hit with this conviction, and new conviction/revelation is never fun...

I used to think that I spent too much time looking inward, too much time analyzing myself and not enough time looking up and out - then I realized that it's not a bad thing to want constant improvement in ones personal walk, to consistently seek ways to improve and better yourself in the sight of God, it only benefits those around you as well as yourself. The act of constantly finding areas of improvement is an act of humility, to always be able to confess imperfections and areas in need of Gods total grace and mercy is something I feel is essential to a healthy Christian walk (of course there is always a balance here) Once again tonight I had a realization of one more way (or several ways) in which I'm totally failing in my attempts to be closer to God and more like Christ.

It really has to do with just walking daily in the Kingdom of God...what does that even mean? Tonight we talked a lot a/b how it means to be walking in the Kingdom and the manifestations of the fruits of the spirit that are born b/c of that...and yes, that makes sense. To walk in a joy that is so thick that the world can't touch you. To have a deep rooted understanding in our identity, in who we REALLY are and what we're really here for. I'm sure we've all experienced it in passing...I know I have. Those times when you're so high on God that daily activities seem irrelevant, unimportant in comparison. You suddenly start thinking a/b what it would be like to just go and serve God all day long, and a/b how nothing else is important when you really get down to it. It's b/c of that outlook that nothing could possibly steal your joy or your 'fruit' b/c it doesn't matter - so how could it possibly upset you?! THAT is what I'm striving for on a daily basis, with my entire life. Seidman went so far as to imply that relying on exterior circumstances and situations to ultimately bring you peace and satisfaction is nothing short of idolatry...wow. I can think of at least a dozen times in the past 2 weeks when I have let work, school, relationships, the way I look that day, even the stinking weather influence my attitude and my perspective on things...I'm looking to those things to provide the peace and personal satisfaction that only God should be providing - I'm worshipping them...in a very subtle way, definitely but it doesn't change what it is. Sin doesn't occur on different levels, you can't sort of murder someone just like you can't sort of worship an idol.

How many times have I thought in my head...if I can just get my desk under control I'll be fine. If I can just lose that last 5 pounds it'll be perfect, If I could just get to work early tomorrow it'd be such a good day, if I wasn't so busy I would be better. If God would just make this clear, if I only knew where He wanted me to be...jeeze! It's all circumstantial! What happened to living w/ my head in the proverbial 'clouds' of the Kingdom of God? Being so far above what is happening here that I am content in all situations?! Being so affirmed in my identity that there is no anger, no cynicism, no displacement, no frustration b/c IT DOESN'T MATTER. Oh, to walk in what I might call divine ignorance. Not being ignorant to reality of the world we live in, but rather to the effects of it on our lives. This world cannot touch us and our God commands us to be above it, and to not be 'of' it. I've thought a/b this a lot over the past few days...when the anxiety comes, when the frustration comes, and it has almost every time stopped me immediately from losing it. It's something I hope I can continue to be sensitive to. It's something that I don't want to forget or ignore. It is Kingdom living in the fullest. Every second of every day for our King.

Tempting...

I'm taking an evangelism class right now and I'm really loving it. Today's lecture had an interesting point in it that I've been chewing on for a few hours now, and it's gradually building up some passion in there...



"Do not wait for your flesh to crave or desire holiness in times of tempation...it will not want it!"

Aha...it's so funny to think a/b times we are tempted - and somehow we expect our flesh to cry out for holiness in that moment - well, it's called a temptation for a reason and chances are, your flesh will desire the object of that temptation far more than it desires holiness. 'For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want' (Galations 5:17). No, we must desire holiness always so that in times of temptation we can choose to be holy. By the time you've reached the temptation it will require a congnitive choice and effort made by you to walk in holiness. Don't be so naive to think that if you pray about it and the temptation comes you're spirit is just going to kick into overdrive and make your flesh choose the right path. NO, it's going to be hard and it's probably going to suck, but it's an act of self discipline.

The term 'Godly person' was once defined as a person who is self-disciplined in Godly attitudes and habits. 'Self-disciplined' really caught my attention there. It's not God disciplined, or spirit disciplined - it's self disciplined. God can show us what to do, He can give us the user manual, but we must discipline ourselves to follow it. Of course that's not easy with all of the outside stimulus of the world beating us into conformity. Everything a/b the Christian life goes against traditional society. We ought to be looked at as weird, outside the box...that's right, b/c we shouldn't be like the rest of society! We are called to be different. 'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind'(Romans 12:2). That is speaking to every aspect of our lives, the places we go, movies we watch, our words spoken, actions towards others...all of it. And friends it is an act of self-discipline to become different. If the temptations didn't feel good, smell good or look good they wouldn't be temptations...the simple act of obeying and laying down those things that we hold dear is the greatest act of worship we can offer our King.

It's time to cut the crap, drop the excuses and start acting in ways that reflect who we are and what we were called to be. I am called to love those that challenge me, not gripe about them. I am called to be selfless, not consumed by my own desires or well being. I am called to humility and service, not to self promotion or laziness. In one way or another I struggle with all of these things and so much more. It's my prayer that we will all find a new awareness of the ways in which we still conform to the world we live in - and then break it off.

Being more like Christ - a goal I fall short of time and time again but a desire that is so deeply rooted in my spirit that I'll never stop trying. Search my heart Lord and make me sensitive - let me not wait for my flesh to catch up with the desires of my spirit, but act on what I know your will is in my life.

Are you serious?

I know, it's been a while - I've been so busy lately I haven't had time to do any extra carricular thinking...my apologies. Today, however, I was struck with this 'are you serious' moment and spent the day pondering just what in the world I am doing and praying that this isn't what I have in store for the remainder of my existance.


Just to set the mood, let me paint a little picture for you. I'm in a small meeting today discussing some of the issues in the office and what we can do to resolve those issues etc. There are 6 of us sitting in a small conference room (picture office space here) around a big long conference table with notepads, pens and coffee in hand. My first 'are you serious' moment, to my surprise, came within minutes of sitting down. The first topic at hand was the 'air quality' of our floor (??). It seems that some are not confident in the safety of our 'air quality' and fear that we could be being exposed to excess allergens which could be leading to the high rate of sneezing and itchy/watery eyes throughout the office - what the crap?! From there we moved on to the lack of competant printers in the office (again back to Office Space please), evacuation proceedures for our department and the kicker people, switching the movie theater tickets we get on our birthdays from United Artist Theater to AMC...are you serious? It's note worthy to mention that this meeting lasted for more than an hour and was held with a straight face by all. As I sat at the table pondering the catastrophies of bad air and old printers I was struck with the ridiculousness of the entire situation. I mean please, I can think of a dozen things that are more important, like 'hey, when you die, where do you think you're going to spend eternity'? I've realized the difficulty of functioning in day to day society when you have kingdom life on your mind - it all seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things - I just want to look at these people and ask them if they know their saviour. Do you know your Lord? Do you know He loves you? Do you know that he DIED for you?!? So that you could sit here and complain about supplies and late hours? So that you could be clean and spared from death?


Last week we prayed over the city of Dallas from the observatory in the big ball downtown. It was a phenomenal evening - praising the Lord, repenting for our city and yet, I found no joy that night...instead what I found was grief and anguish. Never before have I experienced such a deep grieving as I did when I stared out the window at that millions of lights and the cars and buildings thinking - there are so many people here, so many people, and how many of them know you Lord? How many of them are walking in death and darkness, without even realizing it?! Lord, how do we get to all of them? How do we show them? The answer there is that obviously we can't, but He can...and He will faithfully show each of them the gift at hand in His own time. The acceptance of that gift is up to them.

So - back to printers and air quality - it just seemed so absurd that I had to share. I'm sure that the humor I found in the situation would have to be experienced to fully be appreciated, but hopefully you can feel my agony of having to sit through it :)

God's simple beauty...

Recently, I have found myself becoming more and more captivated by the beauty of nature. I have found myself lingering at the sight of the changing leaves, the trees as they become bare with the winter season and absolutely mesmerized by the always brilliant sunrises and sunsets.

In the midst of this world we've created, with all of its concrete and power lines, smog and pollution, there is still so much beauty in the simple things. The clouds
rolling out in the morning, the flowers that bloom in the winter, there is so much to see...so many gifts that the Lord gives us, which we most often pass by without noticing. We are a people of ugly hearts and afflicted souls and the Lord put us in a place filled with so much of Him, and so many amazing sights to see. All things are created by God, and yet nature in itself feels at times, like the most pure and simplistic creations of God left. Not man made, not man tained, just pure, as God intended it to be... what better way to spend time with Him than to sit and soak in the splendor of His creations...just as He made them? Just as you and I enjoy praise for our creations, so does our Father in Heaven. Can't you just imagine His excitment at the dawn of a new day...as the sun hits the horizon and he says, 'Look child, look what I've created...isn't it splendid'?
God is the master of purity and beauty. He takes the time to create everything with the greatest detail and with careful consideration. He gives us gifts every day, they are expressions of His adoration and love for us. It is an ultimate display of his grace and mercy that he would give such beauty to a world suffocated by sin and filth. A world that he sacrificed His own son for. The next time you happen to catch the sunset - take a good look - soak it in and then take a minute to thank the creator of such a wonderful masterpiece.

With that, I leave you with a few of my favorite...

Daily Bread...

Praise the Lord for His words...in those intimate places, the unexpected pieces of Him that He chooses to share with us, usually when we're not expecting them.
This morning as I was praying and just sitting in the presence of the Lord, I received a vision - it was after about 20 minutes of worship and prayer - my mind was strangely clear this morning, the usual flickering images weren't there, the typical movie reel of thoughts wasn't present. I thought it was kind of weird that my mind was so empty and then I saw a loaf of bread sitting on a table. Just a single loaf...I couldn't help but think, 'that's strange'. And after a moment the vision merged into a new one - this time it was a storebarn full of bread, the exact same loaf of bread only multiplied by thousands sitting in this massive barn in baskets upon baskets, so full that they were flowing out the door and the windows. I felt so tiny standing in front of it. The Lord spoke to me this morning and He told me that He is my daily supply - and if I can trust Him to give me just enough for today, He will have enough for every day, always. He told me that there is enough bread in that barn to supply me every second of every day for the rest of my life and then some. He showed me that there is no reason to fret or worry b/c He has enough to go around. If today I feel as though I have been sucked dry, drained of everything I have to give...tomorrow there will be more, that is His promise. It was a picture of how much he has to give us and let me tell you friends, it was a magnificent display of his goodness.