Above it all...

This weekend during Chris' message and even after during small group, I was hit with this conviction, and new conviction/revelation is never fun...

I used to think that I spent too much time looking inward, too much time analyzing myself and not enough time looking up and out - then I realized that it's not a bad thing to want constant improvement in ones personal walk, to consistently seek ways to improve and better yourself in the sight of God, it only benefits those around you as well as yourself. The act of constantly finding areas of improvement is an act of humility, to always be able to confess imperfections and areas in need of Gods total grace and mercy is something I feel is essential to a healthy Christian walk (of course there is always a balance here) Once again tonight I had a realization of one more way (or several ways) in which I'm totally failing in my attempts to be closer to God and more like Christ.

It really has to do with just walking daily in the Kingdom of God...what does that even mean? Tonight we talked a lot a/b how it means to be walking in the Kingdom and the manifestations of the fruits of the spirit that are born b/c of that...and yes, that makes sense. To walk in a joy that is so thick that the world can't touch you. To have a deep rooted understanding in our identity, in who we REALLY are and what we're really here for. I'm sure we've all experienced it in passing...I know I have. Those times when you're so high on God that daily activities seem irrelevant, unimportant in comparison. You suddenly start thinking a/b what it would be like to just go and serve God all day long, and a/b how nothing else is important when you really get down to it. It's b/c of that outlook that nothing could possibly steal your joy or your 'fruit' b/c it doesn't matter - so how could it possibly upset you?! THAT is what I'm striving for on a daily basis, with my entire life. Seidman went so far as to imply that relying on exterior circumstances and situations to ultimately bring you peace and satisfaction is nothing short of idolatry...wow. I can think of at least a dozen times in the past 2 weeks when I have let work, school, relationships, the way I look that day, even the stinking weather influence my attitude and my perspective on things...I'm looking to those things to provide the peace and personal satisfaction that only God should be providing - I'm worshipping them...in a very subtle way, definitely but it doesn't change what it is. Sin doesn't occur on different levels, you can't sort of murder someone just like you can't sort of worship an idol.

How many times have I thought in my head...if I can just get my desk under control I'll be fine. If I can just lose that last 5 pounds it'll be perfect, If I could just get to work early tomorrow it'd be such a good day, if I wasn't so busy I would be better. If God would just make this clear, if I only knew where He wanted me to be...jeeze! It's all circumstantial! What happened to living w/ my head in the proverbial 'clouds' of the Kingdom of God? Being so far above what is happening here that I am content in all situations?! Being so affirmed in my identity that there is no anger, no cynicism, no displacement, no frustration b/c IT DOESN'T MATTER. Oh, to walk in what I might call divine ignorance. Not being ignorant to reality of the world we live in, but rather to the effects of it on our lives. This world cannot touch us and our God commands us to be above it, and to not be 'of' it. I've thought a/b this a lot over the past few days...when the anxiety comes, when the frustration comes, and it has almost every time stopped me immediately from losing it. It's something I hope I can continue to be sensitive to. It's something that I don't want to forget or ignore. It is Kingdom living in the fullest. Every second of every day for our King.