'Then I acknowledged my sin to you...'

Psalm 32
1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.

2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD "
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

For those of you reading this - prayer is something that I could definitely use right now. The past 2 weeks have been very difficult weeks in more ways than just planning a wedding and watching a couple of dogs...one of the most terrifying words in my language these days is the word 'relapse'. Since experiencing my freedom from the strongholds in my life, it is the word that has the ability to bring bitter fear to my mind, but which is usually silenced quickly by a small prayer and belief that I am protected and in no danger of any such thing. The past 2 weeks have been a/b as close to a full blown relapse as I could possibly be...
Call it stress induced, anxiety driven, call it what you will, regardless - none of it is of the Lord and therefore none of it is good.
With is has come guilt, conviction, fear, anger and anguish - feelings I haven't experienced in quite some time and which I do not miss in the least.
I have struggled with some old feelings that haven't been present in a while, and as it usually happens...when something from your past comes back in an attempt to re-enter your life, it comes back with fierceness and bite. I confess this tonight, first in writing and later verbally to those I trust to receive it with compassion and in love, simply to humble myself before my Lord, who knows the sins I've committed and is only waiting for me to bring them to His feet, w/o my pride, so that He can once again cover them and display His never ending and all encompassing grace and mercy. I have found comfort in the differences I have seen in myself during this time...differences from before - the desire and ability to humble myself now rather than waiting in hopes that I could handle it on my own. I know now that I cannot, it is not of me, it is not of anyone else - it is something that only the Lord can fix and heal. Obedience is the key to intimacy...it has been a resounding theme during this time, one that is not by chance. Obedience is never fun in the beginning...but the intimacy and joy gained is always well worth the struggle.



Lord, I lay before You tonight in complete submission and thanks giving. You are so Holy and good, so perfect and righteous and I thank You for the sacrifice of Your Son, that I may come before you with my feeble requests. Thank you for creating my life, and for the many blessings you have bestowed upon me. I seek Your forgiveness for my iniquities and for my sins against You. Please cover me in Your grace and show mercy to your child once again for my inability to empty myself of the things that grieve You. Lord I seek to serve you completely - to be a true vessel for Your works. I am earnestly seeking renewed strength and sensitivity in my heart. Strengthen my conviction and reveal all things in me that are not of You.
Create in me a clean and pure heart, one that serves only You Lord. Thank You for hearing me, and for Your answers to my prayers Lord...I receive whatever You have to offer and pray that my praise and desire to be near is pleasing to You.
All of this I pray in your Sons precious and Holy name, Amen.