An encounter with Jesus...

Leather sandals. Feet. The hem of a white robe...I can almost smell the leather - the vision is that real, I can almost see my tears falling on the feet as my face hovers over them. Hands. Nails. And again, the sandals. "Can you feel how much I love you child"? And the feeling came. I have never quite experienced the whirlwind of emotion that the Holy Spirit laid on me this evening. "Can you really love me this much, Lord? Really?" My heart is racing, my skin is on fire and I'm breaking into a sweat. My insides are screaming, I don't know what to do with myself. The emotion is so overwhelming I want to run, jump, something, anything , I can't sit still...and so I cry, it's all I know how to do, it's the only way to get it out. Again I ask, "Is it possible Lord? To love me this much"? He responds with more, and I sob...uncontrollably. I can feel, not see, but feel the eyes of the Lord gazing upon me and it is compassion that I find there. The compassion is so overwhelming that I begin to cry harder. So, undeserved. Again, His feet. His hands. The nails and the cross. "Why Lord? Why would you do this for me"? My gratitude for the love He is displaying results in more tears, more praise and this unquenchable desire to see the face of Jesus. It is a desire that brings forth despair. The desire to see his face is so pressing. I literally feel anguish in the process of seeking it. "I just want a glimpse Lord, just a glimpse...I want to wash your feet, I want to kiss your cheek, I want to feel your hands on my face". Tonight, I fell in love with Christ all over again. And maybe for the first time, I fell in love with a passion that only true lovers could possibly understand. A passion that burns and aches at the very core. The desire to be with Him, near Him, to see Him, so overwhelming all I can do is cry out.
No words to express it, no song to sing, just groans of gratitude and of sorrow. Sorrow for my sin that nailed him to the cross, and gratitude for His willingness to stay there, bearing the cup that His Father held before Him. For the first time I am utterly captivated by His love and mercy...I cannot see anything but his feet and I cannot think of anything but His precious name. Jesus...Jesus... "Don't die for me Lord, I'm not worth it. My sin. My shame". "Oh but you are. You and only you child. It was all for you". Dear God...precious Lord, forgive me.
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I have no idea what songs were sung tonight, what prayers were prayed, what message was taught. Honestly, I have no idea what went on for the hour or so that I experienced this. The Spirit came and gripped me by the back of the neck tonight, there was no escaping it. It may all sound a little cliche and somewhat corny, but for what it is worth - God is astounding...absolutely astounding and I stand in awe of Him.