Amazing Grace

All I have tonight is a prayer - a desperate prayer to the Lord almighty who hears all of my words and who is so loving and merciful.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I've come to the conclusion this evening that my current circumstance is not more than I can bare (which is how I have felt on several occasions over the past week). The problem is not the overwhelming load of work on my desk, or the project I was just assigned to have done in 8 days or my lack of sleep or those co-workers who just seem to be intent on making my life miserable...no...the problem is the way in which I'm choosing to cope with the current situation.

For some reason I'm having a difficult time being still and resting in the Lord. I find myself agitated and overwhelmed to the point of panic attacks and even in the midst of it I'm wondering why I can't just lay it down...who of us gains an hour by worrying, and yet I find myself filled with worry and stress, something that I've always felt I was able to give to the Lord with little hesitation.

I feel like I am entering this new season of life - where I am being forced to be alone...alone and enduring a stressful time. While I'm finding it to be really difficult, I'm beginning to think that it's a good thing. I think that right now I'm adjusting to the idea of not having someone sitting there every minute just waiting to listen to my woes and troubles - but having to soak in it and then choose to take it to God. It's different I must say and I'm realizing some difficult things a/b myself...such as, maybe I'm not dependent enough on the Lord and maybe I do still seek too much affirmation and comfort from other people. It's a difficult thing to sit with the anxiety and the tightness in my chest and to just wait for the Lord to bring relief. It's hard not to want to call the first available person and vent like a smoke stack, but I feel that it's what He's wanting me to do. Soak, sit and wait...

Praise the Lord for always refining us - for constantly digging away at the layers to show us how imperfect we are, and in our imperfection, how much we need Him.
My prayers right now are that I would have the strength to sit and wait, and to obey and honor my God. That I would not seek my peace in other places and that in times I am being driven to do so, I would have the strength to call on His name.

God is so good - and I am so blessed to be His daughter.

When battle lines become unclear
and the waging war is all I hear
Lord sustain me, with Your voice
and the choice to walk in truth

That I might see the day, this waging war
might go away and be no more.
That I might see His face and hear him say,
Son, welcome home the war is over.
~Shane & Shane ~ Waging War